This segment of our series brought to you by: Family Vacations. Where budgets inexplicably explode, tensions run high, and patience and love come to die. Where the mere sound of a family member’s voice can push you over the brink of civility and insanity. Bonding experience, my ass.
We should preface this blog by stating the blatantly obvious: There is nothing to do in Sebastopol. But, boy and girls, let that not deter you from exploring our fair hamlet with nothing more than imagination and a childlike sense of wonder.
You are choosing to do these things of your own free will. We are not telling or advising, merely suggesting. AND if you should so happen to have a run-in with our stunningly petulant and bored law enforcement it really, really isn’t our fault.
Sebastopol Cinemas— “Spend the afternoon movie-hopping at a local hotspot!“
The movie theater is the only legitimate source of entertainment in town. It’s a movie theater just like any other. The staff is charmingly crass and bored. You can subtly bring a four-course dinner in with you and consume it without getting harangued by anyone (Trust us. We have. It was delicious. It tasted like rebellion). The cinema has a fairly large selection of films at a low-er-ish price. Check out their website:
http://www.cinemawest.com/
The Skate Park— “If you enjoy laughing at the misfortune and pain of others this is the activity for you!”
Grab a pal and head down to the Sebastopol Skate Park. No, not to skate, we don’t expect that much from you, but simply to lounge, gawk and mock. Plop yourself down and enjoy the antics, both pathetic and skilled, of the skater scene kids. This will be a fabulous exercise in well-intentioned cruelty. Note the fashion. Yes, you were wearing that in 2005. (You remember! Can’t you hear the Fall-Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco echoing in your head?) Yes, it was most likely purchased at Hot Topic. Yes, it’s okay to laugh out loud when the twelve-year-old boy face-plants and rips his black skinny jeans. We suggest bringing some colorful sweet/sour candy to hurl at them to create a diversion if things head south and they collectively grow tired of your continuous trolling.
Florence Avenue— “One man’s junk is another man’s art!”
Here, just a few blocks from Sebastopol’s main drag is a street filled with magic and wonder. And no, not just because I live here, bah dun chussshh. Every other yard contains a large statue/depiction made entirely out of recycled articles. The art ranges from Batman to an Indian “driving a horse” with three turkeys to the rabbit from “Alice in Wonderland” and my personal favorite, the mermaid. Meander down the street and take in the spectacle. I also recommend Florence and the surrounding streets for trick-or-treating on Halloween, if you should so happen to be in the area.
Hopmonk Tavern:
http://www.hopmonk.com/sebastopol/index.html
Open Mic Night— “Talent doesn’t really enter into it!”
This mild travesty occurs every Tuesday, from 7 to 10 PM , at the Hopmonk Tavern on Palm drive. Aside from 3-5 talented regulars this is more or less a crime against art in every sense of the word. So kick back and enjoy the show. Or, if you haz the kahunas, sign the duck up and show us what you’ve got with all the rest! I also highly recommend the Garlic Fries; just go up to the bar and order. Trust me. It’s totes worth the human interaction.
The Northbay Poetry Slam— “For free expression, not for good impressions.”
This monthly event is really one of our favorite things for two reasons:
A) You get to openly mock and judge people and
Dos) It’s a forum for genuine talent and free expression.
It’s hosted by the amazing Brianna Sage, who we both totally have lady-crushes on. It’s a really fun and enlightening interactive experience. There is also a poetry open mic either before or after the slam. It usually happens the second Sunday of each month.
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Northbay-Poetry-Slam/184788234870050
The Town Square— “The heart and soul of Sebastopol.”
Located, as the name suggests in the center of town, right across from Whole Foods. It should be said that the majority of our Sebastopol Blog stories come from the experiences and interactions that are thrust upon us while in this veritable Bermuda Triangle. The Square can be used for relatively anything, reading, doing yoga, tea parties, farmers markets (Sundays), bathing (the fountain), and, most of all, people watching. People are always coming and going. The homeless are begging and the hippies are getting stoned. Children are playing while their pseudo-enlightened parents over-protectively look on. Life goes on and Lauren and Ailah are watching. Not in a creepy way. Well, kind of. If you’re ever in Sebastopol drop by the Square and there is a very high chance that you will meet one or both of us there. Oh, AND every Thursday evening during the summer there is a concert series from 7PM to whenever.
We will go as far as to include an option for those of you who live on the wild side. If you like pirates more than ninjas and have a taste for raw, authentic culture than this is the option for you:
The Laguna— “Frogs, marijuana, hobos, Oh my!”
Also know as The Swamp. So basically you head past the movie theater and the skate park and down – to – then you just head into the not-so-wilderness. You basically just wander around looking at the “wildlife” which consists of a mediocre variety of foliage, insects, frogs, minnows, fornicating teenagers and hobos. (I also had a very close encounter with a crawdad once. That thing was a beast. I just kept thinking ‘what the fuck? Why is this happening to me?’ as I desperately tried to evade it’s clutches. ) To make this excursion complete you may want to grab a local from the town square to accompany you. This person will in all likelihood have a fair quantity of marijuana on them that you can and will consume to completely authenticate your Sebastopol experience. You should make sure the local you select is attractive on the off chance that you end up “fooling around” with them in said jank-ass swamp.
WARNING: We are not responsible for what happens to your dainty ass, my darling reader. Know that, what happens in the swamp stays at the swamp. And we also advise you to get the hell out of there after dark. Trust The Lailah. NOT A GOOD SCENE.
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